smack talk

things i may, or may not say out loud.

in a funk.


went to a couple exhibitions this weekend. one being ms. o.g hypebae adrianne ho's muse gallery at x158 nike lab. #fanboy.  overall my weekend was uneventful and unproductive. been in a moody funk the past week and a half or so. going to tokyo on friday to meet up with my friend, raian siao pao, for the chinese new year. looking forward to it. heres a photo dump update from the weekend since i don't have anything insightful, thought-provoking or worthwhile to say at the moment...actually i do have something in mind but im just going to edit this post tomorrow when i've had some extra time to think about it...

edit 23/01 16:40: we all take L's. this weekend (and other weekends since being in shanghai, lol)  i took one between the eyes that bothered me for a couple days. what i thought was funny was actually ill-timed and was seemingly ill-received even if they denied it being so. i blamed the person's reaction on their inability to take a joke, their lack of humor and their absence of personality and taste in friends without really knowing anything about them. as i usually do, i sought wisdom and perspective from my go-to female confidants; my sister and a close friend who always keep one hunnid. the consensus was this: dudes can be lamez, and females can be just as equally basic and vanilla. it's natural. not everyone can gel and mesh on a personal or emotional level all the time. you win some, you lose some. you can't win them all and you for damn sure won't go 0 for 100.  some people are just meant to be rest stops and scenic loops along the way. they won't last for long, but it was worth the ride because of what it was able to show you, because they served their purpose. sometimes people just aren't into you, they dont feel you like that. and thats cool. it happens. whether it be wrong timing, circumstance, or just bad luck. it hurts because sometimes it takes effort to open up and make yourself a little vulnerable only to be told "nah" (chi-raq, chief keef style). no one likes to be told that they're not worthy, not good enough and not up to par. those moments, for me at least, always led to anger and bitterness. "you gonna act like that? forget you then, you trash anyways" type of attitude. but theres more to it. granted, i've been on both ends and as impulsive and reactive as i've been, theres a bigger picture. it's not just about me, my interests and potential gains. i mean if this is happening repeatedly, then clearly something needs to change on your behalf, but for the most part its just part of the trip. not everyone is gonna be your ride or die, not everyone can be your passenger dj. we don't drive cars that can fit that many people. but thats why we take breaks from time to time. to see what's out there. to determine what we like, what we don't like, what we can live with and what we'd prefer to live without. some people aren't in it for the road trip, they just want a lift to their next stop. easier said than done in the heat of the moment. but life goes on, we keep it moving. 

since then, i've apologized (sis encouraged), said what i needed to say to get over it and not let it bother me anymore. regardless if they felt it was needed or unnecessary. it was for me anyways. i feel better about it now so it's cool. no lie, i felt some type of way that i was left hanging and out to dry after being invited in the first place but it takes too much effort to be petty and bothered by trivial things that, in the grand scheme of things, won't (and shouldn't) dramatically affect your day-to-day hustle. truthfully, i could be overthinking and being overly dramatic about the entire thing which wasn't even a big deal at all. if we keep in touch, cool, if not, no sweat. another scenic loop i'm appreciative for. so let it be, just let it be.

just my .02. im not that proud to never admit when I get caught slipping. i have enough sense to own up to deficiencies . you know, always living and learning and learning to live. not getting any younger but always keeping in saucy. i'm out. thanks for visiting and killing a few minutes to catch up and see what's up. always appreciative.